tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62617994294725305732024-03-19T04:25:05.395-07:00Wry WryterCarolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-71882236091074124972015-08-08T16:57:00.000-07:002015-08-08T17:24:26.564-07:00I am here in whispers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx3ZDBvwGQ0apIb3NGDGrx4al8T7bovfWMMGp3SMAEc_KG1GLKi62nT_lvUJ1PAG7x3gEZZAr68i_iBNL1Tx4QhgRFjeI1w6rWrsNbVHszFBH-4sMyFLvfPlD1-X0O2QjMI44E9wStXr7x/s1600/tightrope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx3ZDBvwGQ0apIb3NGDGrx4al8T7bovfWMMGp3SMAEc_KG1GLKi62nT_lvUJ1PAG7x3gEZZAr68i_iBNL1Tx4QhgRFjeI1w6rWrsNbVHszFBH-4sMyFLvfPlD1-X0O2QjMI44E9wStXr7x/s200/tightrope.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
The world remains balanced on a cable of madness. Let it be that the goodness of people, with their strong and gentle hands, continues to hold the line steady for the rest of us<br />
<br />
I dance as Carolynnwith2Ns now, but Wry Wryter gave birth to the writing soul which began the waltz.Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-1448212971210181472012-12-14T07:10:00.000-08:002012-12-14T07:10:29.473-08:00Time to take a hikeAm taking a break. Not sure for how long. Need time to sort out the words.<br />
I have a deadline to meet so that is coming first for now. Check back from time to time because who knows, I like to write, and because it's all about me and I like to write all about me, this break may last as long as the lifetime of a fruit-fly.<br />
Time to step outside my own mind and explore. Got my water bottle, a new Rand McNally, a compass and a pad and pencil; see ya on the other side of the hill.Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-15261094957306129402012-12-11T04:17:00.003-08:002012-12-11T04:17:37.328-08:00A rerun of ...It's the oneThis is a rerun of a post from last May. Same question, same answer. After rereading...it's still a little creepy.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
“<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Did you ever come to a fork
in the road? What did you do?”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">A few days ago this was a question asked by Betsy Lerner, writer, literary agent, wife and mother, on her blog; <a href="http://betsylerner.wordpress.com/"><span style="color: blue;">http://betsylerner.wordpress.com/</span></a>,
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a ‘must read’ for anyone who considers
themselves a writer.</span><span lang="EN"> </span><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">I posted an answer that day, and a couple of
comments, which were relevant but did not touch on one incident in my life
which, when I think about it, or tell the story, sends shivers up my
writer’s spine. </span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">This is a true story. I mean really, it would not fly as fiction.
No one would believe me and I would feel foolish coming up with the
premise. So, here it is, for anyone who is interested, my fork in the road, ‘ah-ha’
moment, message from my mother and wink from God. And what did I do? I paid
attention. How could I not?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, house clean, laundry
done, husband playing golf, time for a nap on the couch in my bedroom. I turned
on the TV, nothing like a little Connecticut Public Television to lull me to
sleep. Perfect, a special about the life and career of Mark Twain. I figured
I’d be nodding off in two minutes. Problem - the program was interesting. I got
into it.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Seems that after Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) wrote <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Huckleberry Finn </i>he set the story aside.
Five years later, after a few trips up and down the Mississippi, he decided to
revisit Huck. The rest is publishing history; <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn</i> became an iconic American
classic. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">When the TV program came to an end, (it was part one of a
two-parter), I was disappointed. I really wanted to see part two. Scrolling
the program line-up, not there, I checked on-line to see when it
would air, no luck. I couldn’t find it anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I had spent an hour watching TV during
my fifteen minute power-nap, and was no longer in the mood to nod off, I was at
a loss as to what to do with the rest of my afternoon?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">I distinctly remember thinking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">if Mark Twain could breathe life into a five year old manuscript he had
set aside, maybe I could do the same with mine, </i>not that my novel would be
anywhere close to an iconic American classic. I mean, about the only thing I have in common
with Twain is that we both lived in Connecticut. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">But, I missed writing. Life and all its responsibilities had
convinced me that writing was a selfish act; as if the actual process, separating me
from family and friends, fed some sort of singular needy-dream. Back
then, life was a time of making memories for my children. I wanted them to remember
my presence with them, not apart, writing essays about them. But my novel, a
story about a young woman embracing change, and brave enough to step forward
and dance alone in the unknown, was a good one and the writing not bad. Many of the experiences I drew on were
personal, perhaps too personal, (a pitfall for first time novelists), so submitting and being
rejected, might hurt a little too much; reason enough to let it sleep. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rejection is a skin-toughener for writers. My
hide was thick and I longed to write again. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">In my office, at
the back of a bottom file drawer was my 80,000 word first attempt at women’s
fiction. In the mood to write, and inspired by Twain, I opened the file drawer. Here’s where things got a
little weird.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Lying flat across the tops of the files was a colorful folder.
I knew what was in it, a collection of tear-sheets my mother had saved of all
my published essays and articles. I found it among her things when I cleaned
out her house after she died. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maybe I’ll
read a few of my successes</i>, I thought<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">,
to inspire me to work on my book.</i> Sitting on the floor I opened the file. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">The first piece in the folder was the entire front page
of the commentary section of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hartford
Courant,</i> a local daily newspaper. Usually my mother cut the articles out
and dated them but not this time, the only time, she had saved the entire first
page. Down the right side of the page was an article I had written eight years before, shortly
after 9/11, regarding the suffering American economy. In the center, above the fold, was a picture of Mark
Twain. Yes, Mark Twain. I gasped, I actually gasped. Down the left side of the page was an
article outlining and reviewing the two part CPTV program about him I had just watched only minutes before. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">There I was, sitting on the floor, forgetting to breathe
and stunned by circumstance. The presence of my mother in the room was as real
to me as the air I was forgetting to breath. Gasping again I touched the picture,
the sign. What was I being told? </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe in messages
and that my mother was standing over me. Was she telling me to<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> get back to writing, any writing</i>, or
was she telling me to, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">work on your
book honey, it’s good enough, it’s the one?</i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">“I hear you mom,” I said out loud, “I get your
message.” I started to cry.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">I’ve done numerous rewrites on that book, am very proud
of my effort and still love the characters and the story. Everyone who has
read it loves it and has told me, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘it’s
the one’.</i> It's not my only work, there's much more to my writing
list now, but that I can’t get anyone in publishing to read my
first-fiction love is disappointing
but not a surprise. </span><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">I keep thinking that eventually, if
I just keep at it, continue to query, and to research better choices, the
right agent and the right publisher will get my mother’s message, or a wink from
God, and make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To Walk Among Strangers</i>
a path chosen at the fork in their road.</span></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN;">Or...
maybe someday, after I am gone, one of my daughters will
be sitting on the floor of my office going through my things, and she
will be
wondering about signs and messages.
Perhaps she'll come upon a colorful folder filled with what moved me
enough to write or my manuscript and she'll remember how long and hard I
held onto my dream. I will be standing over her, whispering a
message, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">read it honey</i>, I’ll say, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it’s the one, it’s the one</i>.</span>Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-44025581176909511572012-12-06T19:56:00.000-08:002012-12-06T20:02:18.466-08:00Speaking the silent voice <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Sometimes I don’t want
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When inside my head
the voice begins to speak I listen to her tone, I listen to the rhythm of what she
is trying to say because I know how important it is for her to speak. From broken
hearts to broken dreams, from pleasure to pain, she tells me everything. Sometimes
she expresses herself in fits and starts until the words flow like her emotions.
When during live conversations, her voice gets drowned out by my own, trouble
starts; she can’t go back and edit to make it perfect, to say just the right
thing. She has to be very careful and pick her words, hope I hear, or just
wing-it and pray for the best. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The voice without
sound which speaks to me, to speak to you, is a female voice. It is as if
another person is trapped inside of me, a smarter woman, a woman who struggles
for me to interpret the importance of her thoughts. She is a wiser person, this
silent partner within, calmer and more patient then I. That she wants so badly to
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woman with the voice I hear at this very moment, has she lived before? Is she
struggling to get out or simply vying to be heard? Sometimes, I wonder who she
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Who speaks the silent voice you
hear so clearly from the depths of your stillness?</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-50307818779754755702012-12-02T05:36:00.000-08:002012-12-02T05:37:05.247-08:00Kitchen clean-up...a follow-up to my previous postYears ago after dinner, my mother and father decided to go
for a walk. It was my job to clear the table and fill the dishwasher. Being a
typical kid I did the barest minimum regarding clean-up. That particular night
I decided to make the kitchen shine. Scrambling from task to task I cleaned
that kitchen as if a white gloved Army Sargent was showing up for inspection. (She
was.) I worked fast because I wanted to please my mother. Job done…it was
perfect. I was so proud.<br />
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When they came back from their walk I was on the couch watching
TV, proud as all get-out by what I had accomplished. Walking into the kitchen
my mother went ballistic. In my haste to clean perfectly I had missed wiping
clean a one square foot section of counter-top to the left of the stove. It was
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“Can’t you do anything right, you are so lazy, all I ask is
one thing, get your ass off the couch and finish the job…scream, scream,
scream.” When I pointed out how perfect the rest of the room was she turned and
stormed out of the kitchen. I was beyond hurt. I had tried my best to please
her and all I did was piss her off. I was a failure in the eyes of the person I
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That day I learned that even if you think it’s perfect, it’s
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It’s too bad my mother focused on the crumbs. It’s too bad
that out of my entire childhood and relationship with her I focus on the crumbs,
I am after all her daughter. At least now, with my own family and the people I
deal with each day, I try to look past the crumbs and search for gleam. But as
has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions I’m not perfect, no one is.</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-31691682092234383862012-11-27T20:00:00.002-08:002012-11-27T20:02:32.687-08:00The dust bunny process of writing<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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In my head there is a thought, sometimes it’s something which leaves me
breathless with anticipation and sometimes it is as quiet as the gentle drip
from a faucet in the middle of the night. The barely audible faucet sound is
often the most annoying because it is constant, until it flows from my mind to
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a single sound the symbols can shout, sing, laugh and whisper from first Cap to
period. Being able to sooth or anger using those symbols adds responsibility to
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and guiding, love has nothing to do with it, respect does. I didn’t care if
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thing was about how I was to interact. Not yell, not castigate, not in any way
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In my business I have always dealt with district and regional managers.
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say later about how beautiful the place looks or is managed, or how successful we
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<br /></div>
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When language is your business, you must be able to communicate in a
way which leaves the listener or reader in a better place. If negative emotions
are overwriting, you are a failure at what you are doing because your message
will be lost with the dust bunny. </div>
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I have, a few times, when threatened for example, stepped outside of my
self-imposed boundary and lit-in. On those occasions I usually won, I’m good at
it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But other times, when threat had
nothing to do with the situation and all I wanted to do was be rid of the
asshole and make a point, I’d win again because I am very good at that; my
mother taught me. Winning meant the asshole would never bother me again. That’s
what I wanted, that’s what I got.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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It never dawned on me that someday, a person I respected and looked up
to would consider me the asshole they wanted to be rid of. And if that was not
their intention, they failed miserably at using their language, which is holy
in this business of writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to
think they do this all the time is sad really, and I feel sorry for them. How
could someone want to do this on a regular basis?</div>
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At work today I heard the gentle thud of the drip. Once in a while I became
distracted but eventually the rhythm of it reached a tipping point and flowed
from my mind onto the keys. </div>
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In the beginning this started as a thought, now it ends as a promise. I’m
just not sure what that promise is quite yet. When I figure it out I’ll let you
know. Until then:</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Negative is so the reverse of the real picture. </div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-36638267035664219932012-11-13T18:12:00.000-08:002012-11-13T18:27:59.664-08:00A storm last summer<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Last summer my
husband and I were parked at the beach. We go there often after dinner; it’s a
peaceful time when the beach isn’t crowded and the heat of the day blends with
the breezes off the Sound. With the tide exceptionally low we watched as birds
searched the flats for food and dawdling beach goers lingered during the calm
of the pleasant evening. Within a few minutes of our arrival the peacefulness
of the evening took an ominous turn. In the distance behind us we could hear
rumbles of thunder and from inside the car I could see in the side mirror the
pattern of lightening approaching from the northwest. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I was amazed by how
many people continued to walk in the water or along the beach as the storm
approached. Hearing some voice concern did not rattle the few who continued
their evening stroll along the beach. A van pulled up next to us. The two people
in the van I assumed were father and daughter. She was adorable; perhaps nine
or ten with long dark hair. As she stepped out of the van a rumble of thunder
and flash of lightening frightened her. I was a little surprised they didn’t
get back in their vehicle but the father, obviously clueless to the hazards of
standing on the beach while a storm approached, walked with his little girl
down the sidewalk away from us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">As I often do
during thunderstorms I related to my husband for the hundredth time my
experience when I witnessed my uncle and another person being struck by
lightning. We were in Rockland, Maine, I was twenty-three at the time and
we were all inside an enclosed building when it happened. It was one of the most
frightening experiences of my life. My uncle and the other man survived, but
outside on the breakwater in Penobscot Sound, which we could see from inside
the building, a father and his little boy were struck and killed by the
lightning.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The storm at the
beach rolled toward us, the sky darkened and thunder shuttered over us in
earnest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>While continuing to watch the lightening
in my side mirror, I heard a child whining. Glancing away from the mirror, the
father and his little girl slowly walked in front of our car. She was the one
whining, trying to smooth her long hair down. It was standing straight up on
end. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Look at her hair,”
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I see it."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Get in your truck!”
I shouted from my open window. She looked at me as if I had just yelled
fire. I screamed at her. “Get in your truck now!” She ran for the van, climbed
in and slammed the door; like saucers, her eyes were wide with fear; then a flash, and almost immediately, thunder shook our car.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Looking
at me, the father now between our car and his van, smiled. I thought it odd. How could he so calmly smile at a strange
woman who had just yelled at his little girl? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“It’s dangerous,” I
said to him, “to be out in the storm.” The women in the car on the other side
of us looked at me as if I just threatened the pair with an Uzi. Continuing to
smile I realized the man hadn’t understood a word I'd said. Even if he didn’t
understand English he should have heard the urgency in my voice, I had
just scared the shit out of kid for Christ sake. She was now crying. All of
this was happening while the thunder and lightning intensified. He finally climbed into his van. We left the
beach along with about half the other cars.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">To say my husband
was upset puts it mildly. He believed I over-reacted. My knee-jerk reaction to her hair standing on end meant she was in
imminent danger of being struck. I believed the last sign, and perhaps the only
sign, someone gets is a tingling and static sensation, like hair standing on
end, as the charge of the lightning bolt searches for a ground.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Did I scare the girl,
absolutely? What plays over in my mind is if I had remained silent; knowing
what was happening and saying nothing, she might have been struck right there
in front of us. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Did I save her
life, perhaps, I will never know but what I do know is that if it were to
happen again I’d probably react exactly the same way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Is scaring a kid to
safety right?</span></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-633873050641131722012-11-08T03:10:00.000-08:002012-11-08T03:20:08.908-08:00Singing in the lane<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #222222;">After a co-worker and I worked a
particularly difficult day we hung around for a few minutes talking, or rather
bonding, over the significance of our efforts, or insignificance depending on
which side of the paycheck you’re on. That’s when she admitted something quite
personal about herself, something she said she has always hesitated to share
with others. Since I’m not shy about sharing information, especially someone
else’s, I’ll just come right out and reveal…she sings in the car. Not only does
she sing but when she’s on a long road-trip and plays car tag, you know,
passing and being passed as the miles pile on, she stops singing if the same
car goes by, she doesn’t want the total strangers she will never see again, see
her as back-up for Madonna or Celine.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">I laughed, not because it was funny but
because I used to do exactly the same thing. That was way back when AM was
standard and FM an option; I was the fifth <i>Beatle. </i>Now… not so much; NPR
does not inspire auto-dueting.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Our after work conversation went from…since
<i>you</i> revealed something…it’s now my turn. I talk to myself, in my car. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Because I write I sometimes practice
dialog, opening sentences or log lines. If a particular phrase seems stilted I
speak it out loud until it sounds just right. But…here’s the interesting and
kind of weird part, sometimes, I’m interviewed. On the way to work the ladies
of <i>The View</i> might be asking the questions and on the way home, Diane
Sawyer or Anderson Cooper. Yes, I actually practice questions and answers. Why?
</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">I am comfortable talking in front of ten
people or ten thousand; I was interviewed by Martha MacCallum on Fox News once, national studio in
NYC, (they sent a limo for my five minutes of Andy Warhol fifteen minutes of
fame), so amend that comfort level to millions. It really doesn’t make me
nervous, <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">if I am prepared</span>. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">Years ago I was invited to be the guest
speaker for a group of writers in New London. Even though I had garnered some
small success I didn’t have a clue what they’d ask or what I’d answer. So I
practiced my speech alone, in the car on the way to work and on the way home,
until I felt comfortable with my presentation and with answering just about any
question I thought they would come up with. One afternoon, as I was stopped at
light, jabbering on and on, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked at
the car stopped in front of me, it was one of those big old station wagons with
a third bench-seat seat facing backwards. Three young boys were staring at me
while I was being interviewed by Walter Cronkite. I went mute, embarrassed by
those three little boys staring at the whacked-woman flapping her gums in the
car behind them. (This was before cell phones and Bluetooth because it looks like everybody is talking to themselves now.) One of the young
boys pointed his index finger at his temple and drew small quick-circles, the
universal sign for, “lady you are crazy”. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">Glancing into the back seat of my car, I
pretended to talk to a child in a car-seat; an action in its self which
qualified me for the funny farm.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;">Now, I don’t care who sees me being
interviewed by Morley Safer; they’ll just think I’m on the phone.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">The next morning when I went to work my
co-worker asked me, “So, on the way in this morning you were interviewed by...”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">“Oprah,” I said, “and you sang with…”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;">“Aretha,” she said. </span></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-76150503924925685932012-11-05T05:19:00.001-08:002012-11-05T05:19:57.190-08:00Leftovers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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This time last week we were anticipating the wrath of a storm which we
believed would be bad, awful even, but who thought it would irrevocably change
the lives of millions and almost the entire coastline of New Jersey, New York
and much of the Connecticut shoreline. Over a hundred lives lost from Sandy,
the heartbreak and misery she wrought on one of the most densely populated
areas of this nation will continue for a very long time. As one whose
writing-gig is to find humor in difficult situations I have failed miserably on
this one. I’ve heard only one joke: A new drink, ‘The Sandy’ a watered down
Manhattan. I laughed, sort of, probably because I don’t drink and it’s a little
too soon for jokes.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The stories I have heard, in person and on TV, break my heart, the
generosity of strangers mends it. I’ve spoken to many folks, trying to find the
humor angle, and other than family members and friends whose discordant
personalities have no business sharing two hours over a resplendent
Thanksgiving table of dead bird, let alone bunking together for a week, (when
one is out of power and the other out of patience); I find absurdity but no
humor. But I did discover something odd.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The morning after the storm, once my husband and son-in-law cleared the
downed trees from our driveway and country road, my daughters and I decided to zigzag
our way around town to check out the damage. Many roads were blocked, there was
no power, and it was still early, which means there was no one to tell us to
scram when we gawked in amazement at the damage.</div>
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<br /></div>
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One town over, and only few miles from where we live, there is a
causeway. It’s less than a mile long, bordered by marsh and cove on one side,
and Long Island Sound on the other. It’s a beautiful place and though it is vulnerable
we hoped it survived. After we twisted our way through town to get there we were
disappointed that it was barricaded. Huge trucks were parked at its
mid-section, which meant to us, the causeway had been breached by the
floodwaters. We were devastated. I parked. Walking around the barricades we
approached the work area. Other than the workers we were the only people on the
scene. It was comforting to see that the causeway was fine and that the crews
and trucks were actually there to cut up and remove the dozens of whole-trees
and piles of driftwood which had floated up onto the roadway during high tide
at the height of the storm. The immensity of the task seemed daunting
considering one of the pieces, scattered among the huge whole trees was a three
foot thick slab of tree trunk, at least thirty-six inches across. The tree it
had come from had to have been hundreds of years old. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We didn’t bother the DOT crew and they didn’t shoo us away. My
daughters’ snapped pictures as we slowly walked the causeway surveying the
scene. That’s when I noticed something odd. At first I didn’t mention anything
but finally I had to.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“What’s with all the tampon applicators?” </div>
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“I noticed them too,” one of my daughters said. Pink and white plastic
tubes were scattered everywhere in the sea grass and debris on the causeway. A
while back the son of a friend of ours told us that where he lives on Cape Cod,
they wash up on the beaches by the hundreds. I told my daughters, that though I
thought ocean dumping has been stopped, they were probably from trash barges
which dump city garbage way off shore. The rest of the trash must deteriorate
but the plastic tubes do not. It was a bit disconcerting to imagine that the
one thing which remains of our garbage, after many years in the ocean’s hostile
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As we proceeded to leave the causeway we noticed something else that
was little strange; a black running shoe, bent and shriveled from being in the
water a very long time. Nothing rather odd about a soaked and shrunken left
shoe deposited in the detritus of one of this nation’s worst storms in history,
except that next to it, only inches away was its mate, the right shoe. They
were not tied together they just lay there, next to each other, as the pair
they always had been. </div>
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Of the many images of utter destruction I have seen on TV, and damage I
have witnessed in person, it is the pink and white plastic applicators which
speak to me of human-kinds odd lasting impressions, and the amazement of a
simple pair of side by side running shoes at the end of their race against tides
and devastation. There’s a lesson there somewhere. I’m just not sure what it is.</div>
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Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-50849017157816245812012-10-30T14:00:00.002-07:002012-10-30T17:41:14.626-07:00Splish splash, spark in the darkWe just got power back.<br />
Thank you Mary Mother of God and I'm not even Catholic. <br />
<br />
The quiet was unnerving at first but it was nice, and a pain in the ass to be part of the universal struggle to keep the frozen, frozen and cold, cold. I can handle any of it except not being able to flush. We filled the tubs, and we bailed to flush but really, I mean really, we are so accustomed to electricity to pump away the food our bodies rent.<br />
<br />
All around my town houses are off foundations, walls washed away and lives forever changed, just like last year. They fixed then and they will fix again, the unfixable wrath of mother nature.<br />
<br />
I stood on our town beach today and watched the waves pounding against the seawalls and foundations of the homes, the homes that were left. "The sea...she was angry".<br />
It was beautiful and it was a message,"Treat me better," she says, "or else I'll do this to you all over again".<br />
<br />
My husband and one of my my son-in-laws are off to deliver the extra ice and water we have left, to friends who are still in the dark. My youngest daughter and her new husband drove the ice and water here to us from Massachusetts, 2 1/2 hours away. They helped us cut the downed trees which blocked our driveway and our country road. My daughters and their husbands are amazing.<br />
<br />
Soon a line will be forming outside my bathroom doors so friends can wash away the detritus of the last couple of days. My empty nest bedrooms will be full tonight, come on in, you're all welcome.<br />
<br />
Gloria, in the dark for eight days.<br />
Irene, in the dark for three days.<br />
Sandy, 24 hours.<br />
We were lucky this time, very, very lucky. Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-51227513812704407162012-10-24T04:57:00.003-07:002012-10-24T05:09:18.924-07:00Remembering, what you forgot to forgetChildhood, a 100 yard dash to gone.<br />
<br />
Heads up young parents, you think you get it but you don't. At least your kids' childhood is saved on a sim card. All we have is a box of old photos, a few VCR tapes and our own memories. No matter the volume, it's never enough.<br />
<br />
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22106/132969-flight-remember<br />
<br />
<br />Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-12571553035434733422012-10-18T05:32:00.002-07:002012-10-18T05:36:32.473-07:00Spin baby spin<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Every morning I check my horoscope on two websites. Hardly
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between the two so that the positive nature of the message may better form my
day. </div>
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I am a planner; I like to know what’s going to happen and
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Like, why do good people suffer and bastards win the
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is it that when somebody is really nice, I’m suspect of their motives; maybe they
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I want more; I want everything, is that so bad? I’m humble
enough to ask, why me and realistic enough to ask, why not me? Maybe what we
are is nothing more than mice scrambling up the pegs of a roulette wheel while
the gods take a spin. Some of us hold on to the same life-long peg and never
let go and some of us jump from peg to peg thinking that movement discerns the
outcome. I have come to realize that sitting still or scrambling has nothing to
do with which number comes up; it’s the spin baby, it’s the ride around the
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<br /></div>
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But I wonder when I click on my sign, for just a fleeting moment
I think, this is the day. This is the day the heavens will open up, the angels
will sing and the sweet syrup of dreams fulfilled will flow across my plate,
for me, for my family and for mankind. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Pancakes, now I’m in the mood for pancakes. What are you having
for breakfast?</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-91682057009762214632012-10-15T17:46:00.000-07:002012-10-16T04:59:49.035-07:00Jump back in<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Yesterday, Sunday, was an amazing day, sunny, a bit windy
yet calm by demeanor, if days have a demeanor. My husband went fishing early,
the house was mine, and clean, so I didn’t have a long list of to-dos…I could
do anything I wanted and what I wanted to do was write. </div>
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<br /></div>
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All finished in my mind, and with little actually written, I
had set aside my latest book. The decision of whether to continue has been rattling
around in my head like a monotonous chorus and melody playing over and over in
my mind; should I, or shouldn’t I? Because the ideas, to continue
or quit, were so prevalent I knew not to dismiss either the pro or the con. A
few days before, I read a comment from a writer I often see jumping in here and
there as I wander from blog to blog. She suggested I reread my original post
about the book and try to grasp that new-found enthusiasm. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I did.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And on Sunday I recaptured all the characters and plot and
ideas and gathered them at my kitchen table for a conference. With beautiful
music playing in the background I began again. This time, I didn’t write what I
thought someone else might want to read, I didn’t write ‘proper’, I wrote in a
voice which is characteristically mine. Is the main character me, thank God no,
but she sounds like me, she says fuck and shit, she laughs and she cries, just
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<br /></div>
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I spent Sunday writing about her ‘discovery of place’ and as
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couldn’t help but recall my own setbacks. Were the scenes overly sentimental,
do they manipulate the reader’s heart, are they depressing, no they are none of
those things because I don’t like to enter the heart of the reader just so I
may break it later. I like to warm the heart, inform the mind in a wide-eyed
way and make readers smile after the ugly-cry. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Ten pages.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Doesn’t sound like much but what I did was rediscover the
wonderful world handed to me by the little voices in my head, and the mysterious
place from which stories come, during a ten minute ride in my car.<br />
<br />
</div>
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When the movie is made, J is invited to the screening. I never
would have restarted if it weren’t for her.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think of your last amazing day of creating another world and
how good you felt while giving birth to it. Just think about it, you certainly
don’t have to share it here. Remember the magic, than pass it on somewhere,
so another writer teetering on the edge of the next ten pages, might use it as
a platform for a high-dive to a realized dream.</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-8067838309401174412012-10-12T05:58:00.003-07:002012-10-12T06:26:47.168-07:00Legacy in glass<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Years ago I was a designer of stained glass windows. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are only certain cuts you can make with
glass; cuts create weakness, so the technical part of the craft has to be
designed in as if no weaknesses exist. It’s a tricky art form because the limitations
of the glass create artistic boundaries you must observe. These rules constrict
artistic license, deviate from them and your work eventually destroys itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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Once the drawing was done, the project always felt finished
in my mind. I saw it complete, back-lit, in all its glory. Then and only then
did I have to plant ass in chair, take glass-cutter in hand and begin to build, cut, grind, wrap and solder. When complete it was always more
beautiful than what had existed in my mind or in the drawing on my table. </div>
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I’ve designed and built, glass pieces as diminutive as
jewelry, and as massive as a series of eight themed windows for a church, each
window 3 feet by 12 feet. Those windows were not only a challenge because of
their size but also because of their theme. Everything within the design was
symbolic. Fitting those symbols in, with the limitations presented, became a
test for me, was I good enough, could I do it? I not only drew the
‘pretty-pictures’ I helped cut the glass and assemble. My designs worked. They
are some of the grandest of my achievements. For generations to come I know
people will sit in that church and during times of great personal turmoil they will
be comforted by the blueprints which flowed from my heart. When the minister drones
on and on they will study the glass because that’s what you do in church when
you are bored and done with prayers. In the reflected colors of those windows
they will weep in grief and joy and they will feel whole again because of their
faith and because around them symbols in glass, and the tradition of their beliefs,
washes their souls. My windows, my legacy, designed with respect for their God. </div>
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Writing is like designing and building those windows. There
are confines and rules and yet writing allows me to step outside my studio, to
run my pencil off the page and think outside the sketch-pad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact if I do not reach beyond that
boundary the work destroys itself. When the story is in my mind I see it done
and then it’s time to plant ass in chair and fingers on the keyboard and cut,
grind, wrap and solder the words together until the project is finished. The monumental task of writing a book is like filling that church with colorful symbolic light and images. Only when the window of the last page is held vertical does the light shine through and the symbols and the colors of
the story come to life.</div>
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Words are my legacy now. My art form is not limited to
windows in walls, and when someone weeps or smiles or finds joy from something
I have written, it is like a legacy in glass. What are your art forms, what is your legacy?</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-66206732941174129532012-10-10T14:19:00.000-07:002012-10-10T19:56:11.114-07:00Another Divine Caroline pieceMy new philosophy of life; I wish I had figured this out years ago.<br />
<br />
After the piece was published I found a couple of places to edit, went in and tried...oh well, maybe it worked, maybe it didn't. Enjoy.<br />
<br />
<br />
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22057/132549-importance-choiceCarolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-90156230306223673402012-10-09T05:02:00.000-07:002012-10-09T05:07:22.671-07:00A warm place to write<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-7099502391148648522012-10-03T06:54:00.002-07:002012-10-03T07:01:52.163-07:00A Spot of Tea<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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I read a post and a link from Nathan Bransford about what it’s
like to be a literary agent. <a href="http://www.themillions.com/2012/08/a-right-fit-navigating-the-world-of-literary-agents.html">http://www.themillions.com/2012/08/a-right-fit-navigating-the-world-of-literary-agents.html</a></div>
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In my mind I pared down what the author, Michael Bourne said,
to one thing. That the odds of getting one of my two completed novels to be
picked up by the agent he was interviewing, at 1 in 11,111.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried myself to
sleep after reading that.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have I queried that agent, not sure but one of the agents in
that office is in my top 5, he was very gracious and helpful when
I queried him. I’ve been rejected by many of the best and most of the unknown.
I’ve been told my fiction isn’t ready, I’ve been told it’s phenomenal but not the right
fit. So what is it?</div>
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It got me to thinking, I mean really thinking, because I am
in the process of writing my third book; is it worth the effort? When I think
back to what it has taken to complete my books, query, and wait and dream, get
pissed off and cry, it just breaks my heart.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t normally compare writing a book with having a baby
but many writers do. I now understand why. To have such high hopes for your
child only to see it go nowhere, to languish and die, even though it had so
much potential, is awful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To think that
the potential I dreamed about was faulty just rips my heart out.</div>
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It’s not like I’m unpublished, I’m out there, past and
present, it’s not as if I’ve never experienced the highs of writing success
relative to my market and ability; I’m a minnow in a mud puddle dreaming of
being a big-ass fish in Lake ‘fucking’ Superior. It’s that the monetary success
in writing what I write, and exposure of what I write, is even harder to achieve
than the fiction I’ve been peddling for seven years.</div>
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So what do I do?<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m a Maxwell House girl but as I write this I’m thinking of
a kind of British tea and term. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Stay Calm and Carry On.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I shall with a tear in my eye.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-60504563671358634652012-10-01T08:01:00.003-07:002012-10-01T08:01:50.155-07:00I'm younger than my numbers<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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you up and makes you puke. </div>
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longer and WTF, who woulda’ thought, can’t believe it, creepy huh, done in by a
seagull through her windshield because she took the long way to work through Knollwood
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Oh well, at
least the view was nice.</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-862969565554467482012-09-26T17:58:00.001-07:002012-09-26T18:12:49.153-07:00I just love my dog<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For some unknown reason stories of much-loved pets
have been popping up, on line and in life. In 2010 shortly after I started this
blog I wrote about Harley, the good-boy in the picture which accompanies much
of my writing. This is as good a time as any to re-post my sweet boy's story.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is Harley's
story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To tell about Harley
I must first tell about Brandy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Brandy was a fine old
girl, quirky, brave, and a love. She was part golden, part yellow lab, part
angel, the perfect dog to grow up with our girls. After she died we swore we
would not get another dog for a long, long, long, time. The devastation of loss
we experienced as a family was overwhelming. Two months later a friend of my
husband told us about a young boy, with four legs and a biker’s name looking
for a home. He showed us a picture, I said, no way, he looks too much like
Brandy, under no circumstances was that male coming to our house. And then he
told us about Harley a beautiful little pup growing up in Virginia. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A woman, I don’t know
who she was, stood on the shore of a river in Virginia. This woman watched as
two little boys played with a energetic fluffy little ball of yellow fur. The
boys took the puppy into the river. The woman, at first, thought they were
going to play in the shallows with the little guy. But they went further out until
finally, where the water was deep enough; the boys plunged him under and
held him there. He struggled to get away, they held him down. Rushing into the river the brave angel grabbed the drowning dog from the boys; he was rag doll limp but still alive. She dried him off, held him tight and
took him home, nine hours north.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The woman lived in a
condo, no pets allowed, so she gave him to a wonderful young couple one town
over from ours. They lived with family, the wife was pregnant, the puppy, now
Harley and eighty-five pounds was more than the young family living with
in-laws could handle. During the day he was kept in the cellar while they were
all at work and in the evenings he was walked on a lead because of the close
neighborhood.</span><br />
</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The day we picked up
Harley, the couple who loved him had a difficult time letting go. The very
pregnant young wife cried and the soon to be father climbed into our van with
Harley, held him tight and bawled.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“He was the best dog
I have ever had,” he said just before we drove away. </span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our boy came home t</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">o
live with us. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Having lived with
Brandy, an old girl, for so long, living with a young boy had its challenges.
For the longest time when I would glimpse him, I’d see Brandy and my heart
would swell. But as he grew larger and as his wacky personality made its mark,
he became his own man. He is not tied on a chain, or caged, or walked on a lead. He does
not spend his days in the cellar he spends them on an old couch in our bedroom.
We live in the woods where he chases field mice, squirrels and turkeys, he
would not know what to do if he caught one, he barks at deer and runs back
inside the house.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">His life is ruled by
his obsessive compulsive love of the Frisbee; he has half a dozen scattered
across the yard and in the house. He always takes one to bed with him at night.
His bed is a huge pillow at the foot of our bed. (He is over 100 lbs. now.)
Next to his Frisbee is often one of my husband’s shoes or baseball cap. Harley doesn’t
chew the shoe or hat, he just sleeps with them.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harley is
understandably afraid of water and that is okay. He is well behaved, a stoic
dog and very handsome; he is a good boy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On that terrible day
when the brave angle waded into the water to confront and save that little pup
I like to think Brandy was watching over the little ball of fur because she
knew he needed us and more importantly, we needed him.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Harley is old now,
slower and set in his ways. I do not want to think of a time when our good boy
will be gone. For now, sitting on the front steps, the couch, or in his sunspot
in the dining room, we hold him tight. He is safe, he is loved.</span></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-30324041755697229672012-09-25T03:58:00.004-07:002012-09-25T04:05:22.464-07:00Hellooo Ruthy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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What is this blog about? Me? Writing? Yes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, both.</div>
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I told my husband recently…I’m going to write another book.
I’ve written two. With them I have rewritten, revised, and reworked and
queried, queried and queried again. I’ve listened to people tell me that my
books are phenomenal, that my books will become movies, that they will be
blockbusters which will make me famous. I’ve listened and taken in the
compliments until the smoke up my ass has blinded me. So I’m going for number
three. This time, the process is very different and I’m wondering if that will
make a difference to how well it is received by the folks with power, not just
the smoke blowers. </div>
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Before I wrote one word of this next book I knew the beginning,
middle and end. In my head I built the arc, knew every scene, knew the driving
force, the stake and how it will end. I wrote a synopsis and a query before I
wrote chapter one. It was done before I began. All I have to do now is tell it
to my fingers.</div>
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As I proceed I feel as if I am reading a favorite book for
the second time all the while knowing exactly what is going to happen next and
yet surprised and pleased by what I am reading. It’s strange writing this way;
exciting and yet very, very strange. This third book, is timely, has depth, is
funny and ends on a note that will give every heart an extra beat. It’s the
kind of story I long to read.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On my way home from food shopping a while back I passed one
of those old motels along Boston Post Road. You know the kind of place, groups
of little cabins or cottages, scattered along an old main road overtaken by an
interstate. Here, it’s Route 1 which runs from Florida to Maine. Because of the
highways whole towns have been bypassed and many of the ‘motor-hotels’ have
been torn down, yet some have remained as rundown sad answers to a families
1950’s dream of success. I wondered that day as I passed by, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">who lives there, who hides there</i>? By the
time I traveled one more mile I knew exactly who was moving in, why she was
hiding, how she was going to survive and the difference she was going to make. When
I walked through my kitchen door, arms full of groceries I knew the background
of the owner and that of every person who rented one of the little cottages. </div>
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<br /></div>
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A likeable, alone and broke Ruth Madoff at the bottom of a
barrel, climbs up, out and over the rim.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Because I’ve already written two books, 75,000 words and
another at 82,000 words, I realize the task at hand and when it’s done and revised
and rewritten I’m wondering what I’ll do if my effort has the same outcome as
the other two. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess the important
thing is to just write it, get it done, rewrite, polish, have it read and
believe. That’s the important word I guess, ‘believe’. Because when number
three is done, I’m done. I doubt I will try again. </div>
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I won’t give up writing, it is in my DNA. Hopefully when
it’s finished I will still be writing my column and blogging. I still will be
posting my daily quotes on Facebook and still be making people think and smile
and tell me, I like the shit you write. </div>
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But this book, this number three, gee God you handed it to
me on a sunny summer afternoon and told me the story during a ten minute ride.
Why would God do that if the story were not to be told?</div>
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</xml><![endif]-->Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-87934916851142478082012-09-19T06:00:00.001-07:002012-09-19T06:04:15.709-07:00The pursuit Because of
my daughter’s wedding I took six days off from writing, a vacation from pursuit,
a lull in the quest. It felt good to step away because while in the midst, the
drive becomes the effort instead of the writing.<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Planning an
experience as life-changing as a wedding for a child puts the dream of success,
(in anything, not just writing), in perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up
in pursuit that we fail to realize the profundity of the moments which make the
pursuit worthwhile. Like the saying, ‘take time to smell the roses’…sure that’s
right but it’s not only the fragrance, it’s the beauty, it’s taking the time to
contemplate just how magnificent a rose is, what a miracle it is as a living
thing. That we should open our eyes and ears and hearts to the depth of everything
around us creates those ah-ah moments, that’s what smelling the roses means.<br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As a writer
it is my job, (it’s actually in my DNA), to notice that which flits by other’s
eyes and left for me to recall for them. It’s my job to interpret the universal
theme which lies within the individual’s heart, it is my job to step-back and
see, to contemplate, to communicate. These last six days of not playing the
song has filled me with music. I am ready to give my concert. Let the music
begin again.</div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-28526980893903158732012-09-11T18:40:00.003-07:002012-09-11T18:40:43.223-07:00Nuptial alertI don't think I'll be posting for a few days, my youngest daughter is getting married and the reception, (120 people) is at my house; eeeeek !<br />
My house looks like an episode of Hoarders.<br />
How about a new reality show, 'Wedding Hoarders'.<br />
Got a tent, a hell of a lot of chairs and a couple of cute little white plastic outhouses a-comin' to my back yard. G-willickers we is goin' to have us some fun.<br />
<br />Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-4487553157101812082012-09-06T08:47:00.002-07:002012-09-06T08:47:56.438-07:00Playing the 88's...26 letters at a time<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One summer, after moving to a new town,
with no friends and home alone, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both
parents worked</i>, I spent eight hours a day learning how to play the piano on
my own. One Sunday morning, while my parents were still in bed, I started to
quietly play <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ebb Tide</i>; I didn’t want
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<br />
My mother shouted from their room, “Turn up the radio, I love that, it’s
beautiful.” When they learned I was playing the piano they both stood in the
dining room doorway, mouths agape; they had no idea I could play as well as I
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Play something else,” my father said.
I couldn’t, that’s not quite true, there were lots of songs I could play but
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Twenty-five years ago I took an adult-ed writing course. It was taught by op-ed
editor Greg Stone, he now teaches journalism at the University of
Connecticut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The emphasis of the class
was on essay writing/op-ed but I remember reading a fiction piece to the group
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day. Some months after taking the class I sent Greg an article. It was about
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it was published. With a few off-tune fits and starts I had, without realizing
it, learned to play Mozart by-ear. My writing wasn’t that of a great composer
but it made the playlist. After I had figured out what it was they wanted
almost everything I sent out on spec made it into the papers and magazines.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I don’t have a fancy-schmancy BA or
MFA. I’m a self-taught, play by ear writer who sometimes hits the mark and
sometimes clunks off-tune on the eighty-eights. I’m not recommending that my
way is the right way, or that formal writing education is a waste of time and
money, no I’m not recommending that at all, because this art, this craft, is
all about education, self-taught, formal or otherwise; although I’m not sure
what ‘otherwise’ might be, pure talent maybe, like self-taught, plays-by-ear
Sir Paul McCartney.<br />
</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yes, I call what I do writing by ear.
Like sounding out chop-sticks on the piano if it sounds right, it’s a song. The
choice of the tune is what makes the difference; Three Blind Mice vs.
Beethoven’s Ninth determines what you write, one finger or both hands
determines how well you write.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Essays are a writer’s one-sided
conversation with the reader. It isn’t until the conversation ends that the
reader’s chorus of thoughts sounds. An essayist’s subject matter…the tune they
decide to play, composer Wagner, (the equivalent of an essay about the death of
a child) or Lennon, (world peace), or Joel (write just the way you are), one
can tailor one’s ability to any given subject. Writing about what makes you
feel good, creates a decent essay, what makes you mad, gets attention, writing
about that which makes you feel uncomfortable, makes it great.<br />
<br />
Play it like you hear it, perform it until it sounds right to you. You’re a
writer. Trust your ear.</span></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-37505514448469228112012-09-03T19:51:00.002-07:002012-09-04T04:54:37.471-07:00Hellooo... down unduh?<br />
With scarab-like Bluetooth beetles in their ears, some mumbling, some talking quite loud, I see shoppers lost in their own little worlds of communication. Why people need to talk on the phone to share their shopping experience with someone in Australia, yes Australia, sharing their own down-unduh shopping experience is beyond me. Email, it’s cheaper.<br />
Years ago, somewhere between cell phones the size of a brick and flip-phones, I remember the first person I ever saw talking in public without a phone visible. <br />
Standing behind a rather tall construction-type at Dunkin Donuts one morning; I listened as he ordered a large, light and sweet and something coated in sugar with a hole in it. Placing his hands on the counter, and staring ahead he carried on an entire conversation with himself. The coffee-kid looked at me and shrugged; I raised my eyebrows and backed up. To me it was obvious, Mr. Large, Light and Sweet was a few drops short of a full cup. <br />
Smiling from behind the counter, coffee-kid watched as the guy left, “I think he was talking on a phone,” he said as I placed my order.<br />
I thought it stupid that in a room full of early morning highly caffeinated-strangers he carried on a conversation as if he were conversing with the little voices in his head, not with someone on the other end of a phone. I guess we were the stupid ones, he was doing then what comes so naturally now.<br />
While standing in line recently at Stop and Shop I came to the realization that there is a direct correlation between cell phones and cash registers; approach cashier, phone rings. I know it’s rude to answer my phone while the cashier is completing my order, it’s rude to answer in a restaurant, a church, at a wedding or a funeral and against the law in the car but I’m always afraid someone needs me. That's what I say but actually that’s not it; I don't just don't know how to stop the ringing before it gets to voice-mail after ten rings. Ten rings is long enough for people to get really annoyed and boo like I'm A-Rod at bat at Fenway.<br />
Though cell phones and their free-minute by free-minute intrusion, seems like an assault on our human need to be alone, they are both a blessing and a curse to parents with teenage children. When I wanted to stay out late, or my car broke down, I had to find a phone booth and a dime to wake up my mother and make excuses. When my daughters started to drive, a cell-phone went along with their license; an electronic-chaperone of sorts. I could call them whenever my intuition went wild, and they could call me when they needed to lie.<br />
Personally my cell phone gives me comfort. With it buried in the pit, I call my purse, I’m never alone. I may not be able to find it but I know it’s there if I need it. I have one of those common ring-tones half the world’s population answers to, so when it comes to life in a crowd, I hear half a dozen people mumbling, ‘is that my phone.’ No, it’s my purse.<br />
Children, born in the last few years, are being raised in a Steve Jobs world of technology. Cell-phones of today will be the dial-phones of tomorrow. I expect those Bluetooth beetles, people wear now, will become implants. No need to worry about digging my phone out of the pit…sneeze, and someone halfway around the world will answer, ‘G-day mate’. <br />
<br />
<br />Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6261799429472530573.post-37649055199529457732012-08-28T07:46:00.003-07:002012-08-28T07:51:04.379-07:00Peggy Lee and my life<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">
Years ago, Peggy Lee sang a song, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Is
That All There Is</i>. I know, who the fuck is Peggy Lee. That song was one of
my mother’s favorites. Because my mother was an unknown artist, an unpublished writer,
and a musician without an audience, I thought she was cynical to like a song
like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I get older and deeper
into how life and most all dreams and hopes, though sweet, dissolve like sugar
in water, I’m beginning to think just like her. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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We have such high hopes when it comes to the one life we get to live on
this earth and sometimes, after even the grandest and most exciting experiences,
I wonder, is that all there is.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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Living the dream, the subject at hand over on Betsy Lerner’s blog today,
is a pretty lofty prize. In my entire life I’ve heard only one person say they
are living their dream, my daughter on her first day walking to class at the
college she considered her dream-school. The path she took to get
there was monumental, that she succeeded was, and is, huge. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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“Do you know how lucky you are to be able to say that you are living
your dream,” I said to her, “because people live their whole lives without being
able to utter those words?” Through happy-tears she said she understood and I believe
she did.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m always scanning the horizon for the next best thing, the next hope,
the next dream. Like blowing on a candle I dare not verbalize it because once
the smoke is gone and the room is dark...is that all there is? <o:p></o:p></div>
Carolynnwith2Nshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18394998702410764388noreply@blogger.com0