May your sheets have bedbugs and your pants have ants

I had been shopping around town, gas, groceries and a few whatever’s and my debit card - declined wherever I went. At the first place, a gas station, I thought, hells bells I mustn’t have enough in my account. I check my balance; jeez I’m loaded, got more than I thought. I figure it’s a glitch. Off to the grocery store, declined. Now I’m embarrassed, they think I’m a deadbeat. I make a lame joke, pull out my Visa and I’m on my way.  Few days go by and I need gas again, DECLINED, shit what the hell is going on. I check the balance again, I’m still loaded, sort-of so what’s up. Now I’m pissed.

After another very embarrassing $13.00 declination, the toothless clerk thought I didn’t even have a lousy $13.00 to my name - which I didn’t because I couldn’t use my damn card - do I really care what she thinks, yes, damn it. I return home, print a statement and call the bank.

What the - there’s a $299.00 charge to my account at Wal-Mart. I’ve been to Wal-Mart recently, used my card I think, did I, didn’t I and did I spend that much, I’m so confused.

“Have you been to California lately”, the nice young girl on the phone asks. Hell no. I live 3000 miles from there. I’ve never been to California and am not itching to go.

My debit card is flagged as a “Hot Card”, which has nothing to do with whether it’s sexy or not because some yah-who on the west coast charged $299.00 on my account in San Diego.

My bank’s loss prevention department spotted the fraudulent charge and froze my account. God bless the bank. Now I have to wait 10 days to get a new card. No problem.

Crooks, thieves, low-down dirty scoundrels who deserve nothing, I officially place bad karma on whatever you bought.

May all your electronics be infested with viruses and the rest of what you illegally procured be too tight, broken, the wrong color and stink of rotten marsh mud. Have a nice day.